Hmm........ Don't know what I am thinking.... I often seems not to able to sort out my thinking.... Yesterday somehow my sis make me remember something. This particular someone from Swiss Cottage when she mention the school name. Then suddenly a lot of stuff just got into my head. Don't know why~ I seems to ask a lot from the people around me. And I often ask for more when they had attain to a certain 'standard' that I had set. In som sense, like when I hope some people treats me good... They do treats me good... But after that I hope they will treat me even better.. And the list goes on.... Selfish I can be.... But to what extend? I do not know.... I am sick of myself always feeling that I am too selfish, too inconsiderate to the felings of people around me. But is this reflection? Or as I keeping asking more form people around me, I began to ask more from myself too? Don't worry guys, I have not gone into depression mode yet.... But I hope I won't too...

I am envious of people who kept their friends throughout... I am just hoping it won't turn into jealousy. I am pretty sure it won't.... Janice have been asking me to take it easy and stuff..... Ya I know that~ Am trying to either. Somehow I don;t get it why things change so fast till I am not able to grasp what is happening. Am I counted important in anyone's life? In the sense that they know my presence? Somehow I think I had went thru so much disappointment that I don't know what to expect....

Maybe I should not just ask too much from myself and start to wonder around in my own thought.... But what I want is some things to perks me up someday and not anymore disappointments...... Usually the disappointments come from myself... I am very clear about that...But I still find that kind of emptiness in me. It's not loneliness.... I fear loneliness, but it's not that kind of feeling. I have a nice bunch of friends.... My family, still ok la~ I still have complains here and there.... But no matter how nice is my life is.... I still have complains!! Why! When I have complains, I am unhappy... why am I so 'fan jian' ? Ah! What do I want?!?!? Stupid me~