Hmm... Ain't feeling good ya~ Kinda getting sick of what I am getting from people around who are supposedly closest and dearest to me.... Felt quite abandoned... I do not know how I come to the stage I am now. But I can sense depression is once again, making its entry into my life sooner or later. Do not know why.... Cried ytd, not because I have an argument with my parents. Not because I'm pissed with my sister who always get her way after complaining, but I think I'm angry with myself. Well, my dad as usual, shoot all those words cursing himself when he saw me cried. I can't help but to compare myself with others, which I know I shldn't be doing that at all. I'm so much more better than lots of pple in many ways. But why am I feeling inferior in terms of something which I do not know how to put it in words? What do I want in myself? Sometimes people ask so much from me that I do not know what's my purpose in life? Hah! Sound as if I'm some peeple who had seen though life.... But I'm really tired...

I felt lucky that I have friends that I enjoyed their company. But why do I still feel so empty within me? I know I'm not in need of someone to really share my sorrows and joy. But what do I want to make myself happy? What does it means when I seems so happy when I;m out but I am again throwing my temper around when I'm at home? Ain;t I supposed to feel most happy and relaxed when I'm at home? I am supposed to feel satisfied with what I have now... But why am I sulking away here? What the hell I want? I don;t know..... Have been thinking very negatively nowadays....... However, after reflection, I did enjoyed myself when I;m out. I am indeed happy when I'm out. There're times when I felt the family warmth. Or is it there's just something wrong in my head? Or am I just being greedy with life? Think I have been rotting too much which leds me to think of stuff that I am not supposed to.... I even thought of what will happen if I just die like that... I can't bear the thought of anyone making their exit from my life.... I'm crazy! Just ignored me........ I'm just a stupid girl whining away now......... Let me be........ I do know what I want... That's all.......... That's for all.......... Think this is the longest entry after so long. Am tired to type on further..... Ciaoz~ Do not worry folks, I will straightened my thinking soon~ =D - I still love my family, my friends and all the people I know -